“Just let go. Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.” Caroline Myss
Letting go, two simple words and yet they say so much….there is power in the simplicity of the statement itself.
What does letting go mean to you in your own life? I think we all ponder this question and what it entails…I do. Life is about letting go, and yet I have been reluctant on so many levels to let go of things in my own life. So many losses and hurts, that one starts to wonder, what and how to let go – mindfulness helps. But sometimes when embroiled in deeply held feelings and enmeshment with others or the thoughts, dreams and beliefs of how we thought our life should or would be, well…many of us go kicking and screaming, not willing to let go. And yours truly has been guilty as charged.
Once music came into my life, that was all that I dreamed of – becoming a professional musician and I did. Part of that dream was to become rich and famous… The aspirations and the hopes of having my own family were also a huge wish of mine…and to find that elusiveness peace of mind. These were my hopes and dreams and I worked hard on obtaining them. I did find a level of fame while touring in Great Britain, I found a level of success and recognition while in the music business, I made a good living and more importantly, I did have a loving family – my five wonderful children and wife. This was what I thought my life was to be and what I had worked so hard to find.
But as we know, life happens and who knew that the pains of the past would come crashing back into my life, I certainly didn’t. They were always there, but I found the means to keep them buried. At least I thought I did. I certainly did not want to embrace my life as I knew it now, post traumatic stress and depression. Especially when it brought on so much scorn and ridicule from my family, those who I thought loved me unconditionally. Coupled with the stigma and discrimination of being labeled “mentally ill”….and the inability to play music, well, this was not how I thought life should be.
I did find the means to move on from that chapter in my life and have embraced what I took on as an advocate for the issues of trauma, abuse and mental health challenges and the love of playing the guitar, singing and writing songs. I am grateful to have a partner in my life now and we are building a happy home. We have had our struggles, including the challenges and working through Mary’s breast cancer. We work hard to try to be in the moment and enjoy what we do have and I have found some peace of mind. The post traumatic stress fugue still causes confusion, but I have learned to just let it be and know that it will pass.
My latest obstacle to work through is the dilemma of arthritis in my left hand. A few years ago I had to have surgery to remove my left thumb joint because it was so bad – it took me awhile, but I did resume playing the guitar again. It has spread into the joints of the fingers themselves and this makes playing the guitar quite painful. I am angry, confused and sad over this latest health matter, but I will find a way to deal with it and move on. Not so easily done, but I will take this time to learn and embrace my path into the next chapter of my life – “the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.”
Take care, Mike
“The mind has exactly the same power as the hands; not merely to grasp the world, but to change it.” Colin Wilson
“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.” Anonymous