“Just get over it” – Hurtful & shaming words
Some thoughts to share with my friends, peers and caring folks…and hopefully, reaching those who are unaware.
All too often, so many of us have been told to, “just get over it”, “move on, it’s in the past”, “forget about it”, etc – sadly, those are hurtful words and they only prolong our healing journey. When we learn about the long term impact of trauma, abuse and mental health concerns, we learn that it is not a process of simply – “getting over it”. Especially when it has caused physiological changes within us – some words of wisdom from some wonderful human beings helps to put it in perspective.
“Go to where the silence is and say something.” Amy Goodman
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou
“Let people tell their story, tell of their pain. And let others listen. We discovered that in telling, that people begin to experience a healing.” Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you.” Richard Rohr
Those of us who have known the pain, suffering and losses of trauma, abuse and mental health challenges can sometimes be so hard upon ourselves in believing we need to simply move on and “just get over it”. I was guilty of this myself for so many years. When I finally took the time to learn about the impact and the consequences of the trauma and abuse in my life and its affects upon me, only then was I able to start being kinder and gentler to myself. We deserve and we need to be nice to ourselves…and then we can gently let others know how our respective traumas have played a part in our lives and theirs. My traumas affected me mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially…nah, I just couldn’t “get over it”. We don’t tell someone dealing with cancer, diabetes, heart concerns, etc, to “just get over it”. I long for the day when there is a nationwide and worldwide push to make others aware of the lifetime consequences of trauma, abuse and mental health issues in people’s lives and to stop blaming and shaming the person who struggles with these health concerns.
We have survived and we can thrive despite what happened in the past…and that thriving is nourished and enriched when we are supported and welcomed by others – we cannot heal in isolation, shame and blame. Caring, compassion and love does wonders for all of us in life and in healing…
Thank you & take care, Michael Skinner
FYI – many resources are posted at my website [please click on Advocacy for more] and also that of the Surviving Spirit – please take some time to visit and learn. The monthly Surviving Spirit Newsletter is also a treasure trove of Hope, Healing & Help. And if you have other resources to share please send them along to me – thanks!!!
Your comments and insight are always welcomed, please let me know.