Season’s greeting folks,
Wishing you all of the best during these festive times of the holidays and all that they entail – and yet, quite mindful that not all celebrate the holiday season.
There can be many reasons why one may not look forward to this time of the year. For myself, my Holiday Awareness has helped to make this time of the year one I can look forward to and not dread – as I did in the past.
I wish I knew back then what I know now about trauma and abuse and its long term effects. I could never understand why this ‘black cloud’ of fear, confusion and sadness would envelop me while in the midst of Christmas cheer with my ex-wife and our children. There was love in that home and there was so much joy in the sharing of time together, the giving of gifts and the sharing of meals. And yet, in that time of merriment and love, something would cause me to shift – whatever the trigger was, most of the time I did not know…but soon I would be engulfed by the horrors of the past.
As a child, Christmas time was a strange day for me – there would be gifts and a delicious meal would be cooking – whether I got to eat that food was another matter. So many times in a fit of rage, my father would knock it all to the floor…the Christmas tree could come toppling down as you lay on the living room floor playing with your new toy soldiers. There were a few Thanksgivings and Christmas days that my father brought us to a bar to hang out. Or I could be enjoying my new toys and other gifts and then be brutally assaulted by either parent, physically, emotionally or sexually. My brother David took his life on New Years. So…the holidays have always been so hard to navigate and understand as a child and as an adult. I am so thankful for all that I have learned about trauma and abuse to help me, “let it be” when the feelings of the past slide in – I know now what they are and try my level best to just wait it out and know, that “this too shall pass”. And it does….so now I can enjoy the holidays in a peaceful place of mindfulness and awareness.
I hope that you have found your own Holiday Awareness – may the wonderful sharing from others in this newsletter help you in your own life for understanding, awareness and healing.
“The events that go wrong in our lives do not forever damn us.” George and Caroline Vaillant
Please read the rest of the Surviving Spirit newsletter to help cope with the holidays…and so much more Hope, Healing & Help is shared.